The Demon Who Soothed My Wounds
by SeverusBarnabas3102
Summary: Summary on inside.


**The Demon Who Soothed My Wounds**

Summary: Grell Sutcliff has had a very hard life. Ever since his mother and father split up, Grell has had a lot of crap to go through. Everything from bullies to accepting a new father figure into his life. But now he has to face the ultimate challenge for people today; embracing his true self. What will happen when his secret self comes out? What will he do about the way he is treated? Find out here!

Disclaimer: I do not own Kuroshitsuji or any of its characters, themes, terminology, or music. It'd be nice though!

Caution: There is self harm in here along with thoughts of suicide. Please be careful while reading this and I do not encourage this at all.

Rating M: For language, and possible mature themes in the future

Note: Italics is when Grell is thinking to himself

Hope you guys like it, this is the first actual fan fiction I've put forth the effort to write.

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**Prologue**

Grell Sutcliff was no ordinary guy, anyone could tell by his passionate red hair, bright green eyes, and unusually sharp teeth. Being the way he was, high school was really hard; he stuck out from everyone else and hung out with the 'Weird' kids. Grell was smart, charming, and funny; he had plenty of relationships but he struggled to come to terms with his deep dark secret; he was in fact gay. He had blown through girl after girl since he had figured it out his freshman year all because of an accidental kiss in gym. Grell's greatest fear was his parents finding out and being treated horribly like Bobby from the movie "Prayers for Bobby", he didn't want that treatment at all. Every girl he was with didn't last long and he would jump onto the next girl about a week later. It was like this for three years until Grell finally went over the edge, doing something he promised he'd never ever do.

It was Spring Break of his junior year, and Grell was crying profusely in his bathroom. It was in the early hours of the morning, Grell was tired, scared, and wanted his life to be over. "Funny," he thought to himself. "To be ready to die at such a young age." The glass was cold and bitter to the touch of warm skin. In Grell's hands, he held the weapon of his downfall; a piece of broken glass that would mar his skin and make the pain go away, if only for a little while. He placed the jagged edge on his wrist, taking a deep breath before slowly dragging it across his flesh. It felt like ice that cut his flesh but the searing fire that rushed after it was intoxicating to Grell. He loved the feeling of the fire consuming his feelings, his thoughts, and his pain; however, the fire did not last long. Grell began to crave that fire within the minutes it had gone and continued to cut his body. He cut himself to the point of no return; his body was scarlet red and inflamed, dripping in crimson by the time he was done. Grell looked at himself in the mirror as the flame returned and scorched his body, and he cried silently. He was ashamed of himself, of what he had done; the deep cuts were covering his shoulders, hips, wrists, thighs, ribs, back and his neck. He saw who he really was in that moment; a broken, sobbing little boy who was so tired of being hurt all the time, who wanted to be loved for who he really was. Grell held himself as he continued to cry, wishing desperately to be free of this life and free of all the disappointment he had caused over the year. But now was not the time to cry; Grell turned his shower on as he stripped away his blood stained clothes, tossing them in a heap at the door. He sucked in a breath before he stepped into the spray of warm water; he cursed under his breath as he attempted not to scream in agony as the water pounded his skin. Grell clenched and unclenched his hands as he washed himself, the soap make his cuts sting worse than they were before. Leaning his forehead on the tile, he thought about how he would hide the damage from prying eyes for a while, just until they healed and went away. When he finally decided to wear large clothing instead of his usual tight fitting clothes, Grell stepped out of his shower grabbing the black towel that hung on the door. He hissed as the rough fabric dragged across the open cuts, drying the water but rubbing them raw again. Grell was in immense pain; he looked in the mirror and tears fell from his eyes as he saw the terrible sight of his body and how ugly he looked. "I am ugly, useless, horrible, and no one will ever love someone who looks like me." Grell whispered to the mirror before punching the tiled wall in anger and sadness. After dressing into a pair of shorts and a baggy tee shirt, Grell went downstairs to start his day while the house was quite still.

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It had been a week or two since his incident, and Grell had a feeling that something was amiss the moment he stepped onto the AJROTC floor. "Sutcliff, I need to talk to you!" his mentor barked as formation dissipated. Madam Red was the Senior Army Instructor for the class, and she wasn't a woman to mess around with. She'd have you out of her program faster than you could spell out her name. Grell was terrified of her but she had helped him since he was a freshman in high school, which made things easier for him to learn and have guidance. At the position of attention, Grell stood before Madam Red nervously waiting for her to speak. She sighed, looking pained, "Grell, please answer me honestly. Are you harming yourself?" Grell bit his lip, hanging his head in shame, "Yes ma'am." Madam Red started walking towards the stairs that led to the office, "Let's go Sutcliff." Grell started to panic, "Ma'am! Please don't tell them!" She raised her voice to a frightful pitch, "You know I have to tell them Grell. I could lose my job if I don't." The pitch wasn't screaming and yelling, it was disappointed and hurt, and Grell knew she was disappointed in him for what he had done to himself. He hung his head in shame and followed her to the office, tears already springing in his eyes as she told him to sit in the chair and not leave. Minutes had passed before Grell was called into his counselor's office to 'talk' about it all. Madam Red gripped his shoulder, "Don't lie to her, be honest Grell. I'm sorry you are going through this." And with that the door was shut and Grell was left to the mercy of the school system.

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Hours had passed since he had entered the office, and Grell was emotionally exhausted and physically hurting. His parents had been called and the sight was not a pretty one; his step father was scared of what he had done to himself and his mother had pulled his 5'7" self into her lap as she asked him over and over why he had done it. "Mom can I go?" he asked quietly. She shook her head, "No." Grell sighed, "Mom I want to get up." "Oh, yeah you can." She said slowly before releasing him. Grell toppled into the chair across the table as the psycho therapist began talking to his parents again, to which he zoned out thinking of how he was going to get over this all. He wanted to get this all over with and call it a life; however he knew this wasn't over. Grell jumped when he felt a hand grasp his suddenly; he saw it was the psycho therapist who spoke to him, "We are going to get though this Grell. We are all here for you and you can do it." He nodded and put on a fake smile as he collected his things to leave; his mother told the therapist thank you and we'd be in contact soon as his step father walked towards the exit. Once outside, Grell sucked in a sigh of relief at the cool afternoon air, finally free of his burdens. Or so he thought.

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Once at home, Grell's mother spoke to him, "So go get in the shower, so you can get ready to get your class ring in a little while." He smiled as he headed for his bathroom, but the smile was gone the second he stepped in his room. "_I am not worth all this effort._" He thought to himself as he stripped and entered his bathroom. The water felt good against his tense skin, washing away the sweat and pain of the day down the drain. He thought things couldn't get worse until he up heaved into his toilet, every single thing he had put into his system came out of him all at once. Grell sighed as he flushed the mess, and began brushing his teeth again; however he wasn't expecting his mother to be in his room taking all the sharp objects out of his room. "Here let me look at them Grell. Take your towel off so I can see." She said, he did as she said, dying of embarrassment. Her cold fingers probed his cuts one at a time while she muttered numbers and scanned him thoroughly. Once she was done, Grell toweled off and got dressed for his ring ceremony as he and his mother talked about everything and anything. "Well mother it's time to go." He said, walking out to his car back to his usually flamboyant self that was only present when he was with his friends. "I know!" she said playfully as she took the driver's seat.

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"Oh Grell it's absolutely stunning!" his mother exclaimed, sliding the ring onto his finger and turning it one full time so the ruby gem was facing up proudly. Grell smiled as he looked at his hand; his mother was right, it was stunning but it did nothing to help his emotions any. Red was the color of passion, lust, and love, and Grell didn't have any of that anymore. He was empty of passion, his personality lacked the lust, and his heart no longer knew what true love felt like. He felt pressure on his ribs and saw arms around his upper torso, which belonged to Ciel Phantomhive. He smiled, "Hello Ciel, how are you?" Ciel smiled before punching his arm, "I'm great Grell, but I heard what happened so I wanted to give you a hug to help you out some. Hope it worked." Grell laughed sheepishly, "Yes I'm fine, and it did work." Ciel skirted off to his older brother, Vincent Phantomhive, who had received his class ring before Grell.

Vincent glared daggers at Grell, who quickly turned his back to him to avoid drawing attention to them. Vincent Phantomhive was not a force to be reckoned with when it came to Ciel, he was always watching over him like a hawk making sure no one hurt him or laid a hand on him. What bugged Vincent the most was that Ciel had met the flamboyant Grell and tailed him wherever he went and eventually Grell decided to mentor him. "Hey Ciel, com here for a sec please?" Grell asked politely, Ciel stood in front of Grell calmly. Grell grinned, "Turn my ring?" Ciel smiled as he turned the ring one full time. "Thank you Ciel." Grell ruffled his hair before he returned to his mother's side. "Ready to go then?" she asked when he sauntered over. Grell nodded, following his mother in a tow back to his car when he suddenly ran into someone.

Grell went sprawling on the floor and the stranger fell against the wall. "I'm sorry! I didn't see you there." The stranger said as he helped Grell to his feet, dusting him off. Grell looked up and saw piercing green eyes staring at him with concern; he smiled, "I'm fine and I'm sorry I wasn't watching where I was going." The stranger sighed, "I'm sorry I wasn't paying attention either. I'm William Spears." Grell blushed, "I'm Grell Sutcliff." The pair shook hands before they looked away embarrassed; "I suppose I should get going then." Grell said as he started to walk towards the exit. William grinned, "Okay. And I'm sorry I ran into you again!" Grell waved as he stepped out the door and practically ran for his mom's car, trying not to look flustered.

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Once at home, Grell collapsed onto his bed, exhausted from the day's events. He smiled to himself as he thought about William, the devilishly handsome man he ran into. '_What am I even thinking? He wouldn't want someone as ugly and hideous as me._' Grell thought, tears coming back to his sore eyes. "I'm never going to be good enough for anyone so why even kid myself." He said out loud into his pitch black room. And as he drifted off into a fitful sleep, Grell had no idea what was in store for him in the coming years.

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Let me know what you think in the reviews and such. If there are any typos I missed let me know and I'll fix them! ~SeverusBarnabas


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